In 2003, Tesla became a thing. It was founded by American entrepreneurs Marc Tarpenning and Martin Eberhard, but named after the Serbian-Russian Inventor Nikola Tesla who invented the AC motor unit used in Tesla cars. The most predominant means of funding for the Tesla company came from Elon Musk, who at the time, was known as the co-founder of PayPal. He invested $30 Million in 2004, becoming a founder of Tesla Inc. in and now owns 21.7% of the company which is now valued at around $100 Billion. Anyway, enough about the company. We know that Tesla do a bunch of stuff in relation to clean energy such as making solar panels, making battery storage for home and grid electrical systems, etc. However, the main thing that people know about Tesla is their involvement in the United States Space Program: Space X, which we will talk about in a little bit. Tesla have always been busy, but they didn’t create their first car until 2008.

It was called the Tesla Roadster. The Roadster had a 325 V Lithium-Ion battery that put out a huge 248 horsepower, a top speed of 125 mph, and a 0-60 of 5.0 Seconds. That is one fast car, and one that doesn’t have an engine, mind you. It has a BATTERY and one that can travel around 250 miles on a single charge and calculates to just over 100 MPGe:


The car itself is pretty beautiful and took a lot of design motivation from the Lotus Elise. It was small, agile, and didn’t appeal to many people. Tesla only sold about 2,450 in the 4 years of production (2008-2012), which makes sense when you are paying for a $100,000 electric match box. This is her:

In 2012 the Tesla Model S was released. It had a 40-85 kWh Lithium-Ion Battery that generated between 362-416 horsepower, a top speed of around 150 mph (in the 85 kWh model), and a 0-60 in 3.2 Seconds using “ludicrous mode” which gives the power-train a boost and generates a kind of electric nitros. The fuel economy for the Model S is around 80-90 MPGe. This is its battery:

As you can see, the Model S battery takes up the entirety of the underside of the car. This freed up both trunk and bonnet space and with a newly improved sports sedan design and a relatively cheaper, depending on the model, $90,000. The Model S sold around 160,000 units by the end of 2019, a huge difference to the Roadster, here’s why:


In 2015, the Tesla Model X was released. It was… different. It was an All Wheel Drive (AWD) SUV, but it had a Dual Electric Motor which put out 245 kW and 328 Horsepower, which meant it had a top speed of around 160 mph and had a 0-60 of 2.6 seconds. This SUV was out performing Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s without even having an engine. This was her battery:

And for just $85,000 it could be yours:

What a monster.

All these are well and good, but Tesla cars were still only being consumed by people who could afford cars that were $70,000 and up, which don’t make up most of the market, unfortunately, or I’d be getting some ass super car parts at the chop shop.

Anyway, the next car in the Tesla series is the Model 3. The Model 3 is everything Tesla wanted in a car, and everything the consumer wanted in a car, yet affordable. At just $39,000 you could have the Model 3: a 54 kW engine that puts out around 280 Horsepower, a dual motor, and 150MPGe in the CITY. The engine looks roughly the same, so we can skip that and just show you her glowing looks:

The model 3 truly is a beautiful car that represents a truly beautiful sentiment to human life, the protection and conservation of the world and its poisoning due to greenhouse gases. It is important to remember that Tesla “cars” are not actually cars, but more batteries with wheels, yet they are smarter, faster, more efficient, more reliable, better looking, easier to drive, etc than almost any other car in the world. If they became even more affordable, especially to the working class, well… working class liberals, then Tesla could potentially rule the world. I mean, they already do that with this baby:

And lets not forget that somewhere in the dark, cold, abyss that is space; there is a Tesla Roadster floating around with a dummy spaceman inside of it.

We love you Elon Musk
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